Day # I don't know anymore

I was just taking my daily bath and I started to think, I'm good at thinking these days. I started to think about all the people in this world that are "sick" which includes babies, toddlers, adults, the elderly, everyone. Pre-cancer life, I used to feel bad for these people and just say how sorry I was for them, which I genuinely felt, but then, I carried on with my healthy life. Now being one amongst the sick population, I stopped and realized I don't want people to feel bad for me nor do I want people to feel sorry for me. I want people to learn from my experience and truly be thankful for everything they have in their life. Yes, not all of us are granted with all the beauty or money in the world, but at the end of the day - do those things matter? Those that know me know I appreciate nice things such as fancy cars, houses, clothes, shoes, etc. but guess what, I can't do much with those fancy things when I don't have my health. So, moral of my rant is that don't feel sorry for those that don't have it all, according to your definition of having it all, and don't feel bad for them, learn from them and be thankful for your life and the blessings that you are given. And simply pray for the people that are experiencing hardships. That's all.

Aside from the above mentioned items, I am feeling pretty good today! Getting some energy back into me and feeling motivated to do stuff again. This weekend I am going to bake some stuff, well try to. I am trying to be the pastry chef for Thanksgiving this year. The reason being is I am trying to limit sugar content and do some organic things :) If anyone is looking for me this weekend, you'll probably find me in Whole Foods.

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend. I probably won't post anything unless something super fantastic comes up and I need to share it, which hey, there just might be something in store for me. :)

Session 5 / Day 4

Feeling okay, yet again. I AM JUST SO OVER FEELING CHEMO-ISH! And I am "fortunate" to get another 7 more weeks of feeling like this, obviously not in a row, but 7 more chemo sessions = an additional 7 more weeks. Does that make sense? I just want to live two weeks without receiving injections in my stomach, a needle stuck in my port, and blood draws. It's funny because I think I am becoming immune to the way needles feel. Pretty gross, huh? This has been a bit of a frustrating week because I'm on the last part of my road to recovery and just getting rather excited to go back to normal. I want to work 8 hours a day, go to school two nights a week, and still force myself to go to the gym when I'm exhausted. Never thought I'd "miss" those feelings, but I do...SO MUCH. Alright, I'm leaving my pity party now and going to be thankful for the blessings I do have in my life, even with stupid chemo. One more thing, I miss wearing my hair in a weird, messy side ponytail. I do have a nickname of "side pony" given by my friend Tim. I think he started it...or was it Brian? Hmmm...I forgot, but probably not relevant to those that don't who I am talking about.

I guess I will continue to find some lifetime movies to watch...right now I'm watching old episodes of The O.C. - quite entertaining to say the least.

Also, please continue to pray for me. I read something scary on the internet (see, when you are bored and at home for 200 hours, you find stupid things on the internet) and anyways it gave me anxiety that my cancer will come back again. We don't want that, so don't stop the prayers.

With love...

Session 5 / Day 3

I'm tired. I am watching Edward Scissorhands and I forgot how much I love this movie. I might tie two pairs of scissors to my hands and work on my parents shrubbery on chemo weeks. haha, not really, but it sounds kind of fun.

I am going to rest now...not much in the mood to talk today! Stupid chemo.

Session 5 / Day 2

Day 2...Session 5...umm, I'm feeling alright. I kind of had a weird night though. I think it was just anxiety to be honest. And I don't think it helped I went to bed at 8:00p either...being as which I woke up at 4:00a. Ya, that is 8 hours of sleep, so realistically that's not too bad, just waking up at 4 in the morning is kind of odd. The shows on tv are just weird at that hour! Today, I just sat around, but did manage to shower! That's always a good thing! I also did purchase my wig, in the event my hair falls out. Her name is Tatum! Yay for Tatum! It makes me feel better just being prepared...I feel more at ease! And if I don't ever need to use her, I will donate her to someone special that is in need of it! :)

I had to get another injection to boost up my white blood cells. Oh how I love injections in my stomach, it truly brightens my day (wink, wink). Now, I am going to go on a mini walk with my mom and take a bath. Cancer has really made me love baths for some reason! haha!

My appetite is still pretty good. Managing to be somewhat hungry.

That is all for now! Send me strength!

Chemo Session 5 / Day 1

I have completed session 5. Yay! And it was decided this morning that I am going to do all 12 sessions, so 7 more to go. The doctor was able to explain to us that the bulk of the cancer is gone, but now we need to focus on the itty bitty cells that may be cancerous. It's the itty bitty cells that might be looking for some fun and try to start a party in my body. Therefore, we are stopping their party and going to kill them with another 7 treatments. So, I will be done in February 2010. This kind of sucks because I can't return back to campus next semester for school, which will postpone my graduation date - well, maybe. It depends how much I can cram into this summer!! But to be honest, I just want to be better. I'm tired of being the sick girl. Although, I don't feel sick and don't appear to be sick BUT I am classified as the sick girl in many conversations I'm sure. WHATEVER! And I did make the decision to go buy my wig tomorrow. I am thinning out so much and I think I'd just feel better knowing I've got the wig, in the event my hair gets crazy and all falls out one day. For instance, I went to my friends wedding on Saturday (Congratulations Lauren & Chase) but I was freaking out that I was going to wash my hair and then be bald...and the wig place not being open. Ya, I would have had to go to the wedding as Uncle Fester and it's a bit too late to dress up for Halloween right now, haha!

Okay, that is all for day 1 blogging. I'll return tomorrow with day 2 status.

Thank you to my sister and brother-in-law for visiting me this weekend!! :) Oh and thank you Jen, Jer, & Will Patterson for the beautiful card you sent me! It lifted my spirits very much!!

The results are in!

I know, I know - I kind of waited a little while to post the results, I'm sorry! I actually found out the day of my scan, but I didn't want to say anything until I saw it in writing from the radiologist. On Thursday, I got a verbal from the radiologist, but that still wasn't good enough. And then today, I got it in writing - so I can finally share. :) I will quote it verbatim from the radiologist's report...well not the whole thing because it's kind of long, but the important stuff. "Lymph node masses themselves have markedly decreased in size." "Previous nodular opacities in the superior segment left lower lobe have resolved completely." (Umm this is referring to my lymph node in my lung, I guess they have to use big people words when transcribing). And most important line is "blah blah blah indicating POSITIVE TREATMENT RESPONSE.

So, basically my cancer is gone. My lymph nodes have all decreased in size. My nodule in my left lung is gone. I am SO SO SO SO thankful for this blessing. I would never be able to describe how truly thankful I am, but I will say it a million times! This is truly incredible news. My poor dad has dealt with me calling him about 20 times in the past two days asking "are you sure it's gone" or "did they accidentally mix up my scans with someone elses" - haha, I think he wanted to turn his phone off by the 20th phone call. :)

Big question, so now that those cancer cells took a vacation (hopefully permanent one) from my body...now what? Well, I do have to finish chemotherapy. BOOOO. But, we have to make sure that cancer leaves me forever and ever. I told my parents tonight, once this port comes out of my chest, it's never getting put back in.

So, continue to pray for me that I get through these next chemonths (i combined the words chemo + months, no? Not a good one?) AND most importantly PRAY that cancer and Lauren are never used in the same sentence again, unless it's past tense.

And p.s., I totally believe in the power of prayer....

PET scan tomorrow!

Yep, tomorrow is the big "tell all" day. I definitely have a lot of mixed emotions right now. At one point today I was even feeling mad. Oh, stupid cancer. I have to share this story though because I thought it was not only cute, but it actually made a lot of sense. I was on the phone with my dad this morning while I was driving to work - we typically have our morning chats during our commute. Anyways, I was telling him how scared I was for my scan tomorrow and this is what he said, in his New York accent (for those that know him, you will laugh at that part) "Think of it like this Laur, it's like you are taking a class at school and you have been working hard and doing everything right to get that good grade...and now you find out if that hard work has paid off and what grade you get." My response, "Dad, what if I get a C?" That was me being pessimistic, but realistically, C's are unacceptable. And I happen to be almost a 4.0 student in my graduate program (one of my teachers gave me an A- this semester, don't even get me started). So by using my Dad's analogy, I am really hoping for an "A" tomorrow. I am hoping that the nodule is gone. I am hoping the cancer is gone. I am just hoping for anything good. Should I say the word "hope" again? :) Sidenote: Even though this is my midway point scan and not the final scan - it is still very important.

That is all and of course I will update tomorrow after I am through. My appointment is tomorrow at 10:00am, pacific standard time. Please plan your prayers according to your time zone. :)

Lots of love to all my supporters following me on this!