Mood = Numb

Back to being "numb" again. Don't really feel anything, good or bad. I laugh, but when I laugh - I think should not be laughing - I'm sick. And then I get sad and I think I shouldn't be sad because I am going to beat this and I should be laughing. Vicious cycle I tell you. So, ya - numb is a good spot for me. My port was used for the first time this morning! Okay, so the needle is ginormous (yes, ginormous) and totally disgusting to look at, BUT the port is a lifesaver. It is not nearly as painful as the awful IV's. And I had to get the contrast a.k.a fire into my body again so they could run a CT with contrast x-ray. And guess what - the contrast did not light me on fire, THANKS TO MY WONDERFUL PORT. Shout out to the port right now. I asked my dad if I could just keep it in for 2 years so I never have to get an IV again, but he doesn't know if I can. :) I am pretty much over needles though. I was driving home from work and decided I kind of have a fear of needles, but then maybe thought it's because I have had approximately 30 in one month and I am totally not being sarcastic. Back to an important topic, the doctor looked at my x-ray and thinks that nodule in my lung is gone. BUT he said the radiologist has to make that final call, which will hopefully be by tomorrow. SAY YOUR PRAYERS TONIGHT please...we want that nodule gone! I've decided to not get my hopes up until the radiologist writes up the report (yes so Debbie Downer of me). I think Grey's Anatomy will be far more interesting this season because I am so knowledgeable of all these medical terms now and hospitals are my second home. They should maybe consider making me a character on that show or something. I'd be really fun on set, especially if they provide the tequila. (Kidding, I can't even drink right now) Labor Day weekend, what am I going to be doing? Besides daily injections, my sister is coming into town this weekend and she always makes me super happy, so I am excited for that. Oh and I discovered by a brief survey, a few of my best friends don't read my blog, they want to get the information from the source herself (me). Which I understand, but I am trying to explain how beneficial the blog is though! If the blog was read then we don't have to have 15 minute conversations with words like CT, IV, blood, cancer, wigs, etc. Anyways, I will post tomorrow and let everyone know the outcome of my scan :) Loveeee everyone.