Overwhelmed...

So, I am feeling completely overwhelmed. Last Friday, I decided to take into consideration of my future fertility options. With that said, I made the decision to preserve my eggs (not sure what the proper medical term is for that, so sorry if that is not the correct way to say it). This is the reason that my treatments did not start today and are being postponed. I thought long and hard about this decision and went back and forth, but I feel that I owe it to myself, as a young woman, to leave every window of opportunity open to have a biological child. At the end of this, the procedure may be unnecessary and I will be able to have a baby on my own, but I wanted to take the safe route. I have to give myself, well let me rephrase that - my dad has to give me two subcutaneous injections per day for ten days and if all goes as planned, I will be having the procedure done on September 11th. And just as I was finally feeling like everything is coming together and I am going to be okay and get through this...there is a suspicious nodule in my left lung (please feel free to sigh there, because that is exactly how I felt). The nodule in my lung could indicate an infection or could be the stupid Hodgkin's cells traveling their way to my left lung. BUT if they were to have begun chemotherapy today and give me one of the drugs they anticipated on giving me and it was an infection, I'd get VERY SICK. I emphasize very sick for a reason. So thank God for the decision I made to choose the fertility option I did which postponed treatment. Anyways, they have to figure out what this nodule is. Guess what this all means...MORE TESTS. Tomorrow morning, I go for more blood work, more screening and more scans. Hopefully, it's an infection they can treat with antibiotics. Because if not, I'll have to get another biopsy, which is something I REALLY don't want to go through because the procedure is very invasive. Oh, and this is all supposed to happen before September 14th? Interesting. I just don't get how people with cancer keep the strength and optimism up. Not only do they have to deal with the fact they have cancer, but they have to think about wigs, side effects from chemotherapy, port placement, fertility options, being poked with needles daily on all ends of the body, making sure they stay away from people who are sick, making sure they don't get an infection of any kind.....and the list goes on. I give the cancer survivors and anyone who has cancer credit because this is by far the toughest thing to go through. I pray everyday that God gives me the strength to get through this alive. I can't smile much today because the tears keep flowing (sorry to disappoint anyone for saying that). I miss my life...my friends, going out on weekends, dinner with my parents, and just being 24 and carefree. I would DO ANYTHING to go back to that right about now. This whole medical mess is just not working out for me right now. Because all I can keep saying right now is WHY ME? And nobody seems to be able to answer that at the moment. Please pray for me today and send me strength and health. With love...