Life after chemo...

I haven't blogged in what feels like forever, but in reality - it's been like 2 weeks. This is the week what we used to call my "chemo week" but as we all know, those days are over. In the past two weeks, I turned 25 and have been able to start teaching my body what "normal" feels like again. I have decided I am going to get back to pushing myself physically, so bring it on cardio! It kind of started last night though - at the airport in Vegas. I arrived at the airport a little over an hour before my flight left - all was going well until I arrived at the security before the gate. It was PACKED! The time was 5:15, my flight left at 6:06. I started getting a bit nervous and often wanted to politely ask someone to cut them in line, but never got the courage to do so. I then worried that my port inside my chest was going to ring the little metal detectors, but don't worry I had just left the doctor and had them write me a note that I was not trying to blow up the plane and I simply had a metal device in me for chemotherapy. Anyhow, left the security gates at 5:50 to get on the tram to take me to the gate...and then had to SPRINT, followed by running up the escalator. Needless to say, I was panting like a dog. I'm like, wow, I have officially aged 40 years in 8 months, I'm really 65, not 25!

I am in California now visiting my sister and brother-in-law...and I was able to go on a lengthy walk around the beach (don't be jealous, well kind of be jealous) and I even climbed these stairs. My sister kept asking me if I was okay...I think she was a bit nervous I was over exerting myself. But I did okay...so moral of these long stories is I am going to get myself back in good shape!

Okay, back to the boring medical stuff. I met with my doctor yesterday and I will be getting a PET scan probably the first week of April (waiting on the place to call me to schedule it to set an exact date). I then will meet with my doctor April 12th to get the results and kind of go from there. I do have fear that the cancer will come back...but I am trying my absolute hardest to not let my mind go there, but I tell you, it's hard.

My blood work was excellent though yesterday so my white blood cells are starting to catch on that they can live freely and not run and hide from the chemo. The doctor also told me that I do have the best possible prognosis for Hodgkin's and he felt comfortable saying there was over a 90% chance the cancer wouldn't return. But I would rather have heard 100%.... :)

Anyways, that is my life! Please continue to keep me in your prayers and send me healthy, happy, positive energy!!

A few days later...

My sister asked me yesterday if I was going to continue to write on my blog and my answer was, "I don't know!" To be honest, I really wasn't planning to unless there is news that I really want to share such as, results of a PET scan! So, other than that - I probably won't be blogging much anymore!

Just to update everyone on how I am feeling, the answer is okay. I have been so exhausted the past few days and have literally spent majority of the days sleeping. I think my body has finally said, "ENOUGH CHEMO, NO MORE!"

I am very excited to get my body back to normal though and start pushing myself harder and harder each week to get my strength back. I will be eating a diet full of high antioxidant foods as well!

I turn 25 in less than a week and am excited to start a new year with a new perspective on life and health!!

Finish chemo - CHECK!

Don't be concerned that my timer on my blog isn't working because it reflects 00:00:00:00:00:00, okay not that many zero's, but you get the point! :) I am done with chemotherapy...officially! I swear the last bag of medication could not drip fast enough today!! I am definitely exhausted, but what's new! I have a bit of a different attitude this time because I don't have to return to get treatment in 15 days! Woo!!

Naturally, I feel a bit worried that the cancer will return the moment it's not fed it's toxic breakfast, but I just have to try my absolute hardest to stay optimistic and get back to my normal life. Normal life plus some new and improved modifications!

I will see the doctor again on March 11th probably for some blood work and a check-up, then after that I will get scanned, either the last week of March or first week of April. No scan date has officially been set at this time.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to EACH and EVERY single one of you that have read my blog. I thank you for all your support and thank you for bringing a smile to my face on a daily basis with all of your kind gestures. They will NEVER be forgotten. And for those of you strangers or people I may not know too well - I thank you too. I hope that I have been able to help someone fight through their cancer battle or possibly inspire someone in their everyday life. I started my blog because other cancer survivors inspired me to do so and I want to give that same gift back to someone in need.

Yes, the hard part is over (chemotherapy) but cancer will forever be apart of my life and who I am. I have never been tested so hard in my life - on a mental and physical aspect. I have had much time on my hands to think about my life and re-evaluate things...and most importantly, I have really thought about the person I want to become. I have sent in requests to volunteer with the Lymphoma & Leukemia Society, as well as plan to organize many events to help young people become more aware with cancer. I think it is very important to simply be...aware.

Please never stop praying for me and the other people fighting this battle. I am forever grateful of your prayers.

The time has come!

Tomorrow is the big day, February 24th! It's so funny because I have prepped for this day as if it were my wedding day, but sadly, it's not nearly as fun as planning for that day will be - one day... :) My sister was in town this past weekend and she said to me, "We're going to grow old together" and I looked at her and told her my new goal was to make it to age 30, let alone grow to 90. Before the big cancer bus hit me, I used to plan my life all the time - I had an age where I wanted to be married by, have children by, etc. etc. Post-cancer bus hitting me, I just want to take advantage of living each day and no longer put so much pressure on myself. Sure, I will still set goals for myself and set times to accomplish them, but goals I can control. Goals I can't control will solely be put in God's hands and I will have to wait until He feels as if it's time for me to accomplish them.

I sort of cried this morning on my way to work because I was listening to a song by John Mayer called "War of my Life." I'll end this by sharing the lyrics that really touched me.

"I'm in the war of my life, at the door of my life
Out of time and there's nowhere to run
I'm in the war of my life, at the core of my life
Got no choice but to fight til' it's done

No more suffering, no more pain
Never again"

February the 14th

So, I was looking back at some of my earlier blog entries and sort of reminiscing everything I have experienced the past, well, 7 months. Gee, that is more than half of a year, which is sort of a long time. Moral of the story is that in one of my entries when my chemotherapy start date changed, umm, 60 times...I had thought I would be done by Valentine's Day because I had said that I would be up for grabs if anyone wanted to take me out (haha...look at me marketing myself in the dating world via my blog). Good one, Lauren. Anyways, if I had started two weeks earlier then yes, I would have been done with chemo, but I'm not - so we're sticking to the date February 24th. I can't believe it's 10 days away, it's kind of hard to believe actually. I feel like I am going to show up to the treatment center two weeks after the 24th and be ready for chemotherapy because it's been my life for the past 6 months. I think it's going to take some time adjusting back to a life without toxins pumped through my little body as well as not being stuck with needles on a weekly basis. Not that I am saying I'll miss it, but it's just going to be weird to be thrown out back on the street to be normal...I use the term normal loosely by the way.

I know this may sound weird, but I miss the smell of a Saturday morning. That may sound really strange to some of you, but I really can't explain any further because you'll probably think I am weird. :)

Anyhow, no more blogging until the 24th. Have a safe, healthy next 10 days.

Until then....keep me in your prayers for a healthy recovery. Oh, and to you stupid cancer, give me my hair back...jerk.

Day 4!

I am still kind of out of it, but starting to regain my strength and feel better. Slowly, but surely I'll be back to myself soon! I am continuing to take it easy today and just let my body get itself back together. I think my body is just at its end and doesn't want to do this anymore - well, that makes the two of us! :)

Happy Valentines Day to everyone! Even though I am valentine-less, I still enjoy the Hallmark holiday very much!! :)

Treatment #11 / Day 3

Sort of strange that it's already Friday and I got treatment on Wednesday because I honestly don't know what the heck I've been doing for the past two days! Last night, I went to sleep at 7:00pm just to wake back up at 1:30am and stay awake for about 3 hours...not fun. Luckily, I was able to watch Keeping up with the Kardashians to keep me entertained! Have I mentioned how OVER I am of having this stupid, sick feeling?! Since I relate it back to being hungover, it almost makes me never want to drink again. Well, okay, I'm kind of lying, I do want to drink again, but never to the point I'm sick and blahhhh! :)

I am still a little red-faced from the steroids, oops I mean from being sunburned in Cabo (wink, wink). I'll take the red face aftermath because those steroids are freakin' lifesavers!!!

Today, my aunt is coming over to bring me some PF Changs again - so excited....my parents will come by later to give me my daily injection of Neupogen...and then I'll probably fall asleep on the couch! Don't be jealous of my Friday, I know it's hard not to be. Have a good day everyone!

Oh, and one last thing...I was reading this story about how this lady had breast cancer, well she is now a survivor and she was saying how after so much time passed of being in remission, she can remember the first day she didn't think about having cancer at one point in her life and the day turned into weeks and the weeks turned into months....oh my gosh, I cannot wait to be at that point!