Day 4 after CHEM-RO

Have I ever shared on my blog that I accidentally called chemo - chemRO - one day? I can't remember, but yes it's true, I called it chemro in a conversation one day. I think it was because of my chemo brain mixing up words and letters and even sometimes combining strange words together. So, from time to time, I like to call chemo, chemro. I am one confused girl, more so than I was pre-cancer. I am feeling a bit off with this whole Wednesday chemo schedule. I live on a pretty tight schedule on chemo weeks and know exactly what to do and which day to do it on. Usually, on chemo week Saturdays - I am exercising, running errands, and living a normal life. But, today is Saturday, and I am sitting on the couch with my computer - for one, blogging and I am in my pajamas still. I did take my dog for a walk, but it wasn't a very long one. And I guess just as I will finally be adjusted to the new chemo schedule, I'll be DONE! Oh yaaa.

PS - Also, can you please pray for me that I can stop being so paranoid about the cancer coming back in my body? I don't know why, but I can't seem to shake this paranoia! Every two seconds, I'm feeling on my lymph nodes and swearing they are enlarged. And every pain I get, I'm like uh-oh, is it the cancer knocking at my door again (my sister swears it's anxiety). I HATE being such a pessimist, but am thinking I just need some good energy from my support system sent my way. Thank you much. :)

Day 1 of 2010...

I cannot even lie and say that it was NOT so strange being home last night on New Year's Eve. Ya, it was weird. I fell asleep at 7:00pm, woke up at 9:00pm, then again at 11:00pm. I then decided to live vicariously through the people having fun on the Las Vegas Strip via television, but only to find that it was more depressing that I was sitting at home in my pajamas. But might I add, my pajamas were very cute! Anyways, it was weird - end of story. On the chemo side of things, I am feeling good, but still taking it easy and not getting too crazy too soon.

Oh, and guess what I can say now? "Next month, I'll be done with chemo." The end.

Look for me ringing in 2011, I'm making a HUGEEEE comeback in 2010.

Day 2 and I'm up early...

Thank you steroids for allowing me to go to sleep at 8:00pm, but then waking up at 5:00am. I've been up for about 52 minutes, but who's counting? Yesterday was much better than the last first day of the cycle. I was waiting for the ball to drop all day yesterday and waiting on the feeling for the bus to hit me, but it didn't happen. OH and yes, you do feel as if you got hit by a bus on top of being hungover. I guess it's funnier to say I was drunk and then hungover and then got hit by a bus, by accident. Actually not really, because I don't think it'd ever be fun to literally get hit by a bus. I'll stop now. I did decide there is no way better for me to end 2009 and begin 2010 without my famous letters, so here I go...

Dear 2009,

I started out the year with a bang...my 24th birthday was amazing, to say the least. It was filled with good friends (one who travelled from NY to spend it with me, thanks Er!) and well of course, good drinks. I ended the night by wishing on my birthday candles, for what I always wish for. And no I will not share the wish. BUT I can say this, I wish I had wished for good health. Moving on, the summer months passed by, which were also a blast...spending time at the pool with my friends and naturally, making my monthly trips out to the OC to see my sister, brother-in-law, and nephew, Marshall. No, my sister did not have a baby, unless you count puppies as babies? Hmmm. It was not until August, dear 2009, that you decided to take me on a wild ride. I was diagnosed with cancer. Wah-wah-wahhhhh. My life was then filled with doctor appointments, scans, needles galore, and pretty much left me with the LAMEST social life ever, and even having to change my work schedule. Not to even mention, I had to cancel my travel plans to Chicago and miss my friend's wedding in September! I was also no longer spotted at Yardhouse on a Saturday night with a vodka tonic, 2 limes, in hand. But give or take any day of the week, you could find me getting a needle stuck somewhere at a doctor's office, or wait, or at home...because my poor dad had to stick me with about 40 needles to preserve my fertility and then had to give me weekly injections during chemotherapy to ensure my white cells are up! Thanks Dad, you needle rockstar. :) If you were looking for my Mom for the past few months, she was busy stirring up some delicious, organic recipes for me. You could also spot the three of us at Whole Foods, at least two times per week. NOVEMBER 11, 2009, you left me with a smile - why, you ask? BECAUSE I got a CLEAN PET SCAN!!! PEACE OUT cancer, but hello I have to finish chemotherapy still. Anyways, 2009 - you teased me because you started out being pretty amazing, but I can't really say you ended that way. But I will say this...thank you, because I think I learned a lot from what happened in your month of August and I don't think I'll ever forget the valuable lesson that came with it.


Dear 2010,

I know that we have to start January and February off by finishing my chemo treatments and that's not a fun way to start the new year, but I'll take it, as long as you PROMISE that the rest of the year will be better. Deal? Deal. And as far as my 25th birthday in March, we all know that I'll be wishing for good health 25 times. But I'll keep my 26th wish as the special wish I'll never tell. I am thankful that after February 2010, it means my hair growing back at full speed, no sleeping hair caps at night, going back to the OC monthly, making trips to Chicago and New York, renewing my gym membership and heading back to spin, never seeing the image of my dad holding a needle saying "readddy Laur?? Just a little pinch.", only visiting the oncologists office for my 3 month PET scan to hear, "Lauren, your cancer is still in remission.", going out again with my friends and showing them my sweet dance moves I've been working on during chemo, and possibly even dating again. And guess what I can say on my blind dates???? That's right...I've got eggs frozen. haha KIDDING! :) Okay, that's all...all I know is that 2010 better mean good health and maybe the year to CURE CANCER and free all these good people from having to deal with it!!!!

Love,
Lauren

(For the record, I am NOT going out tonight, I will miss Dick Clark ringing in the new year - mostly because Lauren goes to sleep at 8:00pm, but just know that I am going to wake up on January 1, 2010 being hungover anyways, like the rest of you - not because of a vodka tonic overload, but because of our good friend chemo partying it up in my body. This is definitely not to make you jealous.) haha....

I hate you cancer mc-fancer

So because Santa brought me a blackberry for Christmas - I get to blog in real time and what this means is that I am getting chemotherapy right this minute. So I get to share my feelings as the drugs are flowing through my little body. Lucky you! :) The reason why I got so sick on the first day of my last chemotherapy session is because my doctor decreased the amount of one of my steroids. He did this because steroids can sometimes cause you to blow up like a blowfish. Especially in the face. But I told my dad that I'd rather be a blowfish than feel sick like last time. Needless to say, the dosage was increased back to normal. I also got a pill form of the anti-nausea drug I get through my IV on chemo days. It's the good stuff! So since I moved to a new chemo day - my doctor is at the other location. This means I can't get chemo in my dad's office and I am in the main chemo room now. I am in the corner, which gives me some privacy, but it is still interesting to be in here. I am watching the other cancer survivors - remember they are not patients, they are survivors. Anyways, the other women have their wigs or hats on and although they are older, I realize I'm not the only person in the world getting chemotherapy right now. Other people also are experiencing hair loss, nausea, and fatigue - just like me. Although, I have met so many people online - it is comforting to see people right next to me hooked up to a weird machine. My parents are with me right now too - as usual! :) Well, that's all I've got right now. Oh one last thing, I got a weird rash on the back of my leg - it's gone away a little, but it is pretty ugly. Roarrr! I'll update this week! Keep me in your prayers!

(Don't hold me against any misspelled words in this - blame the blackberry!)

Merry Christmas!!

Merry Christmas everyone! :) So, a little bit of change to my treatment plan that I wanted to share with everyone. It has been decided to change my treatments from Mondays to Wednesdays. This allows me to return back to work on a more regular basis than being absent for an entire week. With that said, I will not be getting treatment until December 30th versus my planned day of December 28th. I know, I know...my New Year's Eve will consist of going to sleep around 8:00p.m. but I cannot complain as I was fortunate to be able to enjoy both Thanksgiving and Christmas on a non-chemo week! Due to this change, my last chemo will be on February 24, 2010. And guess what? In less than 2 months, I will be DONE with chemo. How exciting is that?!?

I've been doing okay this week, I had a little bit of weird chest pain last night, but I think it was brought on by anxiety. Christmas gives me this weird anxiety because I get sad that you prepare for one day for so long and then it's all over in one day. I also get sad because people take their decorations down shortly after Christmas is over...and it's so pretty! I know, I'm so weird. I can't help it.

Anyways, Merry Christmas everyone! Love you all!

Session 7 / It's Friday

So, I chickened out and cancelled my appointment to have my head shaved. Go figure. I was talking with my hair stylist and some other friends and family and got a new perspective. I have decided that it's best to take advantage of wearing my cute hats for as long as I can. When it comes to a point that I can no longer wear the hats because my hair is just - well - too thin, then I will shave it off. I'm hoping to hang in there at least until the new year.

That is all for now. I survived another chemo week and now get to enjoy being normal for the next 10 days before I go in for another round of fun!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend. Happy Birthday to my sister, Caroline, on Monday. I really don't know what I would do without her. She is my other half and I love her so much! So, I hope that she has a wonderful birthday....

Session 7 / Day 4

I have not fulfilled my blogging duties that well this week. I feel as if I've been slacking, so I apologize! All is well though and I am feeling a lot better. I was explaining to my sister this morning that chemo has a mind of it's own. It can sneak up on you at any given point and just knock you down hard. So, even when you are feeling really well, it's hard to get excited because you don't know what is ahead of you. That's why it's so important to stay well nourished during chemotherapy to help alleviate the nasty side effects! I am actually having a good day though, about 75% back to normal. I'm still taking my anti-nausea pills, but I always do that for the first 4 days after, no matter how good I feel. Being nauseous SUCKS. It's like your body can't decide if it wants to vomit or not. Sorry, a bit graphic description..but that's how it feels. :)

Hair update: I'm in a debate on whether or not to just shave my head. I know, wow, totally caught everyone off guard probably. So, hair's the deal...haha was that not funny? Okay, anyways, back on track...I still have quite a bit of hair on my head, BUT I am more concerned with the regrowth situation when I am finished with chemo. If I don't shave my head, it may grow back in uneven and I may look kind of weird. Also, I don't know the texture the hair will grow back as. Some people have completely different textured hair after chemo. So, whether it be now or in 2 months when I'm done, I think it's in my best interest to shave it. Yes, of course I am freaking out, but if the worst thing in this cancer madness is hair loss - so be it. I am a little nervous my hair won't grow back for some strange reason, mostly because I am paranoid 24 hours a day about everything! I have an appointment tomorrow to have my head shaved, but we'll see if I actually go through with it. I'll keep everyone posted!!

Send me good thoughts. Also, the guy from Survivor, Ethan Zohn, I have mentioned him a few times in my previous posts. His cancer is in remission finally! He definitely has gone through intensive chemotherapy and radiation and will undergo a stem cell transplant, BUT it's wonderful news his cancer is in remission. Like me, he received a negative PET scan. (the term negative is used in a positive connotation when referring to PET scans, just FYI). YAY for Ethan! Check out People.com for his video that he posted.